Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive to Death - Helpless (Cover Artwork)
Staff Review

Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive to Death

Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive to Death: Helpless

Helpless (2005)

Makebreak


0.5
Jeee-yeeeeee-sus. Never seen a band sum up their career so simply in their album title. KA-POW! Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive to Death (or TOLSKATD, to sum up their horrible name) consists of two dudes, so it's like if Tears for Fears tried to be the Velvet Underground while doing their best...

Jeee-yeeeeee-sus.

Never seen a band sum up their career so simply in their album title. KA-POW!

Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive to Death (or TOLSKATD, to sum up their horrible name) consists of two dudes, so it's like if Tears for Fears tried to be the Velvet Underground while doing their best Xiu Xiu impersonation and throwing in some shitty wannabe Sonic Youth guitar riffs in the background. In other words, dear reader, plug your nose -- this one's a stinker.

It's not quite the atonal vocals (shudder) or the horrible lyrics (see: "It doesn't take a demolition man to break this heart") -- it's the absolute lack of any idea of how to make music. Two dudes making absurdist music with samples (note: None are listed for credit, so they better be careful before someone tosses a VI on their ass [note: VI stands for Vanilla Ice]) does not account for good music. And their attempts at some sort of mashup glitch hop / audio collage fall pretty short too. You can't just make noise (unless you're Lou Reed trying to fulfill a record contract) and call it music. And Jesus, dear Reader, who gave these geeks a violin? Or are they just sodomizing a helpless (see: album title) kitten?

And if that weren't enough, they had the gall to throw bones at my boy Leonard with their shitfest "Sincerely, L. Cohen." Dear reader, these junkmoneys are putting me at the end of my rope. Flummoxed, even! Experimental music needs conceptualization. It needs some sort of drive, balance, direction, starpower -- fuck, it needs anything just to keep it from sucking. And this release, dear reader, has nothing.