After begrudgingly listening to the album Bite Your Tongue by New York City's red-headed stepchildren Sex Slaves, I decided I'd compile a list. A list you ask? I bet you thought this was a review! Trust me when I tell you, you would much rather read this list of things I'd rather do than listen to the album, than read a review on this album. So without any further ado, here's a list of things I'd rather do, than ever listen to this album again:
- Count every grain of sand in Daytona Beach.
- Lick the feet of a hobbit.
- Be a fan of the Miami Dolphins.
- Devote my life to the writing of level III Calculus textbooks.
- Take a Nolan Ryan fastball directly to the face.
- Be a Good Charlotte groupie.
- Replace every pair of jeans I own with bondage pants.
- Live in the Gulag.
- Save Latin.
- Attend a Celine Dion concert.
- Be attacked by a Komodo Dragon.
- Be French.
- Take a bath in a tub full of mayonnaise.
- Watch back-to-back episodes of "Barney" for a minimum of two years.
- Jump headfirst into an active volcano.
- Be blind.
- Watch a Sinbad standup special.
- Have a bowling ball dropped on my big toe.
- Eat asparagus.
- Walk naked through the arctic.
- Never be able to eat pizza again.
- Watch curling, live or televised.
- Jump rope with razor wire.
- Use sulfuric acid as shampoo.
- Wrestle a polar bear.
I could go on, and on, and on, but I'm sure all of you get the gist by now. I don't know who's involved in the making, production, marketing, and distribution of this musical abombination, but I wish all the bad things in life would happen to them, and no one else but them.
I'm not even going to waste my time trying to think of a clever way to close this review, just get this trash away from me.