xDeathstarx - We Are the Threat (Cover Artwork)
Staff Review

xDeathstarx

xDeathstarx: We Are the Threat

We Are the Threat (2007)

Facedown


0.5
I really just wanted to do a clever photoshop for We Are the Threat, but realized about five minutes into the process that I'm really not very good at Photoshop. And being that I want to do this review, and band justice, I'm going to leave this tenuous task up to my writing alone. I will still co...

I really just wanted to do a clever photoshop for We Are the Threat, but realized about five minutes into the process that I'm really not very good at Photoshop. And being that I want to do this review, and band justice, I'm going to leave this tenuous task up to my writing alone.

I will still contest that Cute Is What We Aim For is undoubtedly, unequivocally, absolutely the single worst band I have ever heard in my life, but I'll tell you what: xDeathstarx are trying really, really hard to take that distinction for themselves.

And they do succeed on numerous (read: all) fronts:

  1. More vocalists than necessary. Four, count ??em four singers. There's eight people in this band. Eight! Four of which sing, indiscriminately at that. I can't tell a single one of them apart from the others. Maybe that's to their benefit, considering I can't single anyone out as being any worse than the others. Truth be told, they have decent voices for fronting a hardcore band; my issue lies in the complete and total uniformity with which they perform. Every song is the same pace, same inflection, etc.
  2. Siqqqqqqqqqq breakdowns. I think this one speaks for itself.
  3. As I briefly touched on earlier, every song is exactly the same. The length of these tracks is a moot point, because be it two minutes or twenty, the breakdown-to-actual-music ratio is proportional. And by actual music, I mean ??parts of songs that aren't breakdowns,' and trust me when I say that description is giving these guys the benefit of the doubt..
  4. Lyrics. "For my friends, for my family!" Okay, wrong band, but that's pretty much the essence of any lyrical content to be found on this album. It even bothers me to use a classy word such as ??essence' in conjunction with this spinkick-fest of a record. I won't indulge too much into the lyrics, but I figured this gem would be worthy of mention: "to rebuild, they must destroy the god of whom we owe are [sic, liner notes] freedom." Yeah, I think I'm done here.
Where's Luke Skywalker when you need him?