Potential Reactions to A Twist in My Story by Secondhand Serenade:

1. Wow, this Dashboard Confessional album sucks.
2. Wow, this Ryan Cabrera album rocks!
3. Holy shit that's a lot of blood.

Chris Carrabba tribute act Secondhand Serenade returned this year with sophomore effort A Twist in My Story. Presumably, the twist is using a real band and not just Pro Tools like on first album Awake. I'm not the type to use the phrase "musical abortion" often, but this album does feature lyrics like "Goodbyes are meant for lonely people / standing in the rain," "I dream a lot / I know you say you've got to get away," and "Stay with me or watch me bleed," all of which come from the first track, "Like a Knife."

Putting aside the melodrama and watered-down musical accompaniment (what's with the constant strings/over-emoting combo? Is this guy trying to get on VH1's "You Oughta Know"?), the record is a failure even by its own standards -- namely, it rips off Dashboard Confessional without contributing anything more interesting. A common DC criticism is the lyrics. Fans like them for being raw and to the point, but others hate them for lacking nuance. Secondhand Serenade mastermind John Vesely takes shitting out raw, unsubtle, high school-level poetry to a new low. I'll put it this way, DC fans: Secondhand Serenade is what your friends hear when you make them sit through So Impossible for the umpteenth time.

All A Twist in My Story offers are 11 overproduced, badly written tales of love lost, found, and lost again. These songs are terrible, bland to the point that it hurts. And it never gets better. My God it never gets better, no matter how many times you spin the got-damn disc to find something nice to say about it. This is the kind of music that makes you sterile.