SSCP - Balls...Pure Balls (Cover Artwork)
Staff Review


Balls...Pure Balls (2007)


Awesome! I get to review a CD-R by a band from Ohio! Ohio is, of course, my least favorite of the 48 contiguous states. I won't hold SSCP's location against them, though. I mean, why spite the band for their home state when I can deride their music?

Putting the horribly titled Balls…Pure Balls on is like stepping into a time machine that transports you back to the early `90s. Also, if you're like me, and not from Berkeley, CA, it's like stepping into a…place machine as well. SSCP trades in slightly poppy Bay Area-style hardcore punk with a sense of "humor." There are 19 songs, most of which are 30 or 40 seconds long, in the CD's 15 minutes. This isn't because anything is played exceptionally fast. Rather, SSCP play under the impression that their sound has less pop-punk than it actually does. The "hardcore" song lengths truncate the hooky chord progressions, leaving each tune sounding bland and half-baked. SSCP address this very criticism on the eight-second "City Club": "You want it a little slower?/ We'll play it a little faster / You want it a little longer? / Is this long enough?"

Yes, I'm sure that's a very "fuck you, I'm punk" statement, but maybe once in a while it would be good to have a song that doesn't sound like jokey filler. Hm.

The early `90s time warp is also fucking with my head a little bit. SSCP apes a little bit of sandpapery pop from the Krupted Peasant Farmerz, shoves ska breakdowns in places where the sun don't shine and obnoxiously titles every song like Dillinger Four. Admittedly, "I Fell Down the Stairs and Got a Sofa Lodged in My Uterus" is a pretty fucking awesome ridiculous song title, but "Kelly Osbourne Is a Fat Bitch"? "I Pulled the Plug on Terri Schiavo"? Grow up, dudes. Not funny.

Unfortunately, SSCP (what the hell does that stand for?) hasn't changed my opinion of the Buckeye State. Still, Ohio is better than Guam. Oh my God, I fucking hate Guam. (Apologies to all Punknews readers from Guam.)