Band on Band: Paramedic/Spraynard

In this edition of "Band on Band", we at Punknews are pleased to bring you two of Pennsylvania's finest, Spraynard and Paramedic. Both bands share a split 7" on Square of Opposition, available here. So read on as the two bands discuss employment, swapping members, and of course, lasers. .

Part 1 - Paramedic asks Spraynard questions:

Larry: Lets get right to it. Lasers: Fun or Dangerous?

Pat: There I was; trembling in a dark corner of an unknown place with nothing to defend myself but a loose fitting piece of plastic that lights up red and happens to have one broken safety strap. I heard gunshots in the distance that were similar to the sound of Han Solo shooting first in the original 1977 version of a well known classic film. As I wiped my eyes of the sweat that fell from my brow, I saw a distant green glow in the darkness. Was this my savior? Was this the one who would take me away from this torment? As the light grew brighter and I saw the face of my supposed guardian, I realized that it was an unstoppable force that only answers to the name of "Green 12." As I heard that same gunshot, this time reminding me of the travesty that was the 1997 remake of said well known classic film, my plastic vest shook with a force similar to the feeling you felt when you witnessed Mufasa eat shit and die in Disney's The Lion King. As I saw my enemy with his gun drawn and freshly recharging from his previous shot, he looked me dead in my eyes and uttered the words, "Dude! This is so much fun! Tell your mom to let us do like 20 more games! Wanna sleepover at my house and play Wave Race 64 tonight?!" After which he ran into the distance. As you can see Larry, lasers are duh most fun.

Larry: Right. A simple yes or no would have sufficed…But speaking of lasers! We heard you guys have a pretty tight lock down on the batting cage/laser tag/pirate mini golf industry in Philadelphia. Can you explain what exactly is Grand Slam USA (including your relationship to said establishment) and what's the coolest thing you have ever done there.

Mark: We all work there, it's an awesome job and they are pretty cool with letting us tour. For those of you not in the know, it's an arcade/batting cage place. And yes, occasionally we do shows inside the Laser Tag arena (and yes, they are off duh chain). If you stop in, we'll probably be the guys running your laser tag game playing some Janis Joplin songs. As for the coolest thing we've done there, it’s hard to narrow it down to one thing, but I'd say tossing various things off of the roof takes the Charm City cake. Here's a video of said tossing.

Larry: Collectively, who is your favorite WWF wrestler and why?

Dos: Great question. If we're talking strictly WWF, it is easily the Ultimate Warrior. I mean, have you seen him fucking sprint into the ring? Fucks my shit UP. Also, everyone clowns me for this all the time, but NWO fo' lyyyfeeee.

Larry: So, what is next for Spraynard?

Mark: Summer tours. We're touring every weekend of May, mostly with you assholes. Then, later in the summer, we're touring with other buddies like Lavis Blake, hopefully Sundials, and I'm sure more will happen as we plan stuff out. Basically our only goal as a band is to become homies with as many people as humanly possible…unless you're Jordan Hollander.

Larry: And finally, MFK - Paramedic. (Keep in mind, Charlie and Zia are dating, making this question even more awkward.)

Mark: Larry for all three of em. All in one magical night. So romantic. So invigorating. So Larry.

Mark, Dos and Pat (simultaneously): Oh, and LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!

Part 2 - Spraynard asks Paramedic questions:

Mark: Considering your noticeable old age, what was it like to attend Woodstock and see The Dead rip it up in front of endless "Dead Heads", including yourselves?

Charlie: We would be more than happy to tell you ALL about it…once you explain to us what it was like growing up without Thunder Cats, Hungry Hungry Hippos, Goonies, Plow, The Labyrinth, and AOL chat rooms. We may be old, but we got PIZAZZ!

Mark: Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?

Zia: Maybe, is it burgers?

Mark: Who is Chris Reject and who the FUCK does he think he is?

Larry: He runs something that has to do with pears, or prepositions or something.

Charlie: You should stop worrying about Chris Reject and start worrying about Jordan Hollander… He a menace to all things DIY.

Mark: What is your best memory with Paramedic! and why?

Larry: We were driving to a show in one of my work’s rented sprinter vans (shhhhh!!) and there were four of us and only two seats. Two people had to sit in the back loading area on the floor, and it was completely empty except for a cart with wheels on the bottom we use when delivering food. Our roadie, Josh, took it upon himself to ride the cart in the back of the moving van. As I would make turns or come to stops, I could hear screams as Josh would slam into the sides of the van. Simple, hilarious fun that made my cry with laughter. It sounded painful.

Charlie: Every time Zia pretends to pee on Larry's drums is my favorite moment… it's the funniest thing on the planet. Zia's funny.

Zia: (laughing) Oh no, that might be one of those, "You need to be there," kinda funny things that happens in the context of band practice. Now people are just going to think I'm just a weirdo.

Mark: If you had to choose one of us to be in your band, who would it be and why? And also, when do you want us to start? Spraynard has really put a strain on all 3 of our personal relationships and financially luxurious lives, and frankly we won't stand for it anymore. I mean, how many times can one person ask, "do you really need ALL of the door money?" It's just getting stale. How are we supposed to afford daily delivery to our doorsteps of Chicago Diner by Pony Express on a $2,000 guarantee? Can you answer me that, PARAMEDIC!?!

Zia: This is a really hard question. I guess I would choose Dos, mainly because I have been threatening to kick Larry (our drummer) out of the band for MONTHS now. Usually I just say, "THAT'S IT LARRY! You're out of the band! I'm replacing you with a drum machine!" But he just keeps coming back. Maybe if I actually bring in a new drummer, he'll get the point. Plus, Dos looks like a little humming bird. Have you seen him play? I think he is going to fly away, its constant entertainment. Unlike Larry. Larry, you are fired from our band. Oh, and also, can Dos bring me Mark's bass rig? 'Cause its really nice. That's my decision- Dos, with Marks bass rig.