UPDATE- This article is 100% false. April fools!
In what will clearly be a shock to the punk rock community, Masked Intruder have been found not guilty of the recent spree of van break-ins. During a drama filled emergency preliminary hearing, the band's attorney, Joshua S. Frank, showed that the band could not have possibly committed the recent series of van break-ins because, at all times during the break-ins, Masked Intruder were actually serving time in county jail for unrelated burglary offenses. In fact, the band just happened to have been released from prison a few minutes before being picked up again.
In an even more shocking turn of events, the real perpetrator was discovered during the hearing. During the hearing, Old Man Markley was in the public seating area and kept yelling, "Lock 'em up! Lock 'em up!" Finally, the bailiff went to remove Old Man Markley from the courtroom. During the scuffle, a collection of items fell out of Old Man Markley's pockets including four brightly colored masks, switch blades and a complete set of plans establishing how Old Man Markley intended to frame Masked Intruder for the crime in order to corner the market on themed pop-punk. Anyway, as Old Man Markely was handcuffed and dragged out of the court house, Old Man Markley was heard shouting, "… and I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling punks!"