The Punknews Holiday Spectacular - December 22, 2017

John Gentile

Having thrown a grand total of one concert now, we at Punknews consider ourselves hardened, expert gig-hosting veterans. To that end, seeing that Cassie Ramone was doing a few West Coast tour dates, I had the financially astute idea to also ask her to play a single gig on the east coast, in Philadelphia. In my mind, it made a lot of sense as Cassie release an entire Christmas album in 2015, the superb and unique Christmas in Reno (Burger Records.) As a contrast to the Summer Soiree, I wanted to do its “polar” opposite and throw the “Punknews Holiday Spectacular” with an emphasis on Holiday jams.

So, I reached out to Cassie, and being the champ that she is, not only was she down for our wacky idea, but she also wanted to make it a double-headliner bill with her pal Colleen Green! Neat-o! I couldn’t type “let’s do it” quick enough on my keyboard. And again, being the gig maestro and all around promotions guru that I am with my one-show under my belt, I decided to make it a TRIPLE HEADINE BILL… with Joe Jack Talcum of the Dead Milkmen the third head of the concert triumvirate! It’s a good thing for me that Joe is the frikkin’ man, because within a few e-mails he was down to be the downhome piece of our Philly shindig.

We threw the gig at Creep Records in Fishtown. Creep Records is a great place for punk shows because it’s all ages, has a great “venue” portion attached to it with a stage lights, and sound system, and because we weren’t chained to the demands of a bar, were able to get a little wacky as is our wont.

We decorated the stage as per Bing Crosby’s Christmas specials, so behind the artists was a cardboard fireplace complete with artificial burning log, Christmas lights hung up above the stage like a shining North Star, and a Charlie Brown style Christmas tree did its anemic best to summon holiday cheer from the stage. Further, Colleen has the idea to serve Holiday treats, so we had an entire table dedicated to cookies, muffins, and pies.

And of course, as is our trademark, we had a limited edition cassette featuring all the groups playing that you could only get at the gig. Cassie included and exclusive cover. Colleen gave us two brand new recordings of Christmas songs from 70s and 80s movies. Joe Jack gave us three exclusive tracks, including a new version of “the Christmas Waltz” as well as one of the earliest songs he ever recorded, from 1979! So cool! We also had exclusive bonus X-mas tunes from Audrey Crash of Pushin’ It 2 the Limit, Jade of Posers, and the people’s band, Crazy & the Brains. Yowza!

Staffer Connor and myself were in the (now classic)Punknews formal attire complete with tophat, bowtie, Jacket with giant “Power P” emblazoned on the back, and, as a special holiday touch, canes that were actually gigantic candy canes. As people began to trickle in (as always, running on the dreadfully sluggish Philly “punk time”) I dispersed glow bracelets, necklaces, and jingle bells to the audience. Listen, some people were a little “too hip” for glow bracelets at first, but as soon as Joe and Jane Cool saw other people with illuminated wrists, everybody wanted in on the fun. Famed punk rock attendee Kate was spotted in the crowd as was Philly power couple, The McMahon-Kerrs. What also was cool was that a few people drove up from Maryland just for the show. On top of that, because our show was all ages, a high school student was able to get in and have some fun!

We opened the show in our usual bombastic style. “I hear those J-i-n-g-l-e belllsssss” drifted across the speaker before dancehall explosions erupted across the room and the track snapped to “Bring the Noise.” Meanwhile, I jumped in front of the microphone and, ina fugue state, yelled something like, “Phil-a-del-ph-i-a, are you ready for Joe Jack Tallllcuuuuuuummmmm?!!!” The crowd was.

Joe, in his usual low key manner, took the stage and showed us all how the pros do it. While the Punknews gang usually garner attention through bombast and oppressive volume, Joe flipped the script and had people hanging on to his every word with tender, expert, acoustic looseness.

He opened the show fittingly with the “Christmas Waltz” and was able to achieve that rare station where he was mixing unpredictability and rawness with specialist skill. Joe’s tracks work off their immediacy and earnestness, and as he went from one track to the next, including the fantastic, “Rail Road Bill,” which has both his trademark whimsy and underlying seriousness, he captivated the audience with rarefied boldness. That is to say, Joe’s boldness doesn’t come from boasting or power, but in the sheer way he is able to tell a story without it seeming like he’s trying to tell a story at all.

In addition to his solo tracks, he played a few Dead Milkmen tunes including “The Guitar Song” and “Punk Rock Girl.” During the set, he made a wry comment stating that fireplace was too hot, and despite the fact that his solo shows are relatively quiet, people erupted in applause after each song. Joe easily made the point that raw power doesn’t come from electricity, but from flesh and blood.

After Joe left the stage, soundman Colin, who did an excellent job all night, blasted the crowd with the greatest hits of ‘70s disco, including “Oh What a Night,” “Waterloo,” and, what else but “Disco Inferno.”

Colleen Green took the stage next and she has developed a wonderfully distinctive style over the years. Green’s sets are often propelled by just a guitar and a Spartan drum machine, but, the kicker is, on top of the robotic beat, she lays down jack hammer guitar riffs influenced by classic-pop punk. In fact, I believed she opened her set with a cover of the Ramones’ “Merry Christmas, I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight.”

Colleen is especially impressive because she plays a type of music that is usually noted for its forgiving structure with extreme precision and specificity. Not to mention, she sings like an angel and probably could make a few bucks as a backup singer to the pop-star du jour. The result of all this is noisy punk rock played with the steely hands of someone with some professional level proficiency. For her set, she switched between her Christmas songs and originals from across her catalogue.

It was a real highlight when she played both “I Believe in Santa Claus” and “We Wanna Wake Up to a Big Surprise.” Colleen is able to juggle a youthful innocence and, dare I say optimism, with an old hand’s awareness just goes to show how much of a spark is in her music. It also doesn’t hurt that she’s back by some seriously high voltage rock and roll. The crowd was wowed and so was I.

Lastly, Cassie Ramone took the stage , and I didn’t realize this beforehand, but Cassie and Colleen have a superb duality that highlights the merits of both of their styles. Opting to use an amp (supplied by Molly of the Up Up Ups!) in lieu of the stage’s direct inputs, Cassie cast out crackling, rumbling waves of uncontrolled POWER.

Before she began her set, Cassie asked the audience to sit down and it’s a good thing that they did. Although Cassie’s set was composed entirely of Christmas songs, including many from Christmas in Reno, these weren’t Hallmark sugary sweet versions. Rather, Cassie exists in the inimitable level where chaos doesn’t fight form, but chaos is the form. Completely unafraid of volatility, Cassie let her amp blaze and growl and hiss and rumble while she took mostly bouncy Christmas songs and elevated them to an almost astral plane. I realize that I may be getting a little trippy here, but Cassie’s one-of-a-kind approach really does tape into the brain and connect to a profound understanding of something like so few other acts can. I was reminded of the textures and feelings created by bands like OM and the Upsetters as Cassie rolled through shifting walls of sound.

Then, midway through the set, Colleen Green joined Cassie on stage and the pair did a number of duets including an altered version of the McCartney classic, “Wonderful Christmastime,” which incidentally, is one of my favorite modern Christmas songs. The team-up really was an interesting and rewarding combo. Whereas Colleen is exactitude in action, Cassie in disorder in the dreamland. Whereas Cassie revels in the low, rumbling power of mass, Colleen makes her impact through efficient strikes. And then, when the pair played these strengths off each other, the underlying angle and deftness of both was exhibited as they intertwined their two approaches. So. Cool.

Cassie finished her set with a few more solo tunes, and then, just as she was wrapping up her final number, sleigh bells rang across the speaker… only to be followed by a thunderous, unmistakable, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” Why, none other than Santa Claus himself rushed into the venue, completely with sack in hand! With little more adieu, he then distributed wrapped gifts to each of the attendees and artists! People tore open the packages to find… the greatest gift of all! Vinyl records! Bruce Springsteen here, Elvis there, Scarface yonder, and Frankie Valli a bit further back! Woweee! And as quickly as he arrived, Santa vanished, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas happy new year. Not a bad way to start 2018…